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I have so much to talk about, and I'm pretty damned sure that nobody wants to hear it.
So why the fuck even bother to post? Maybe just to get it out of myself. So, that's what I'm doing here.
  • My fucking cats want attention. And they want to pay attention to my dinner.
  • My shins hurt. Got kicked in TKD, used shin to block, and owwww Glen kicks hard. I don't think he knows how to pull kicks.. he's like 200 lbs all muscle?
  • I think I just baked the pizza *with* the cardboard backing. Oh wait, its a thin crust, its supposed to look like that.
  • I am a fucking retard when it comes to hanging out with cute single women. Just give the fuck up already, please. Or, maybe i'm just 33+ and 13 yrs out of school, and they are -27 and still in school, so I have no basis of relating to them. Wait till they're 37, then we'll have simlar things to talk about. Come to think of it, i get along GREAT with my 30-something female friends. And especially well with 35-45 year olds. I'm a fucking anachronism.
  • I simply fricking do not get TKD sparring. Its not making any sense to me.. we go through these drills, and I get in the sparring ring, and ... there isn't any connection. Its like that frustration with video games... i'm too fucking slow, and can't seem to process that much information at the same time. (or, maybe i'm a yellow belt, and i'm sparring against red and black belts, and they've been sparring for a year already and I just started). I still got Terry with a very clean kick.
  • My life is nice, fulfilling, and also fairly boring. *thinks*.. on the other hand, i like it. It gives me space, a breather, in which to set goals and do them.
  • I did an oopsie today. Somebody introduced me to this wonderful, warm, gay fellow.. and the thought zapped through my head, hey, no setting me up with gay folks! .. and turns out, he's already partnered, and they meant to introduce me to him because of _who_ I am. Its amazing how, umm, primitive my thoughts can be at times. Ya know.. if I could find me a nice kind gay fellow, i'd definitely kiss him lovingly and mean it. Just.. can't do sex, sorry. Love yes, sex no. I sproing for boobs and girly necklines and softness, thank you.
  • Hanging out with those youngsters yesterday.. i forgot, how much I ache to be held. Its like, in the 20's, there's a lot more holding going on.. and then, everybody gets married, and then holding becomes something that's done in relationship or in family. Holding is different than hugging. Otoh, i do get lots of hugs, and if i'm really really hurting enough, there are people who would hold me. I just wish.. i didn't have to be so hurting.. that there was a more day-to-day source of holding in my life. acknowledges the pain, moves on, 'cause i don't know what else to do.

What am I glad about?

TKD related
  • Glen said that he'd be up for practising sparring stuff outside of class! :] Holy shit, he's big. He'd be a great confidence builder.
  • I broke a board with my fist! First try. It was really fricking easy. I cheated a bit though.. i focused my Chi into my fist. I could probably have broken two or three, at that point. At least, i'd like to think so.
  • Speaking of focusing Chi, there was a hot bowl of mashed potatoes in the microwave.. too hot to touch at first. So I focused Chi down to my finger tips, and then picked up and moved the bowl, and it didn't even feel hot. It was kinda nifty. Maybe it does exist!
  • I think i got a couple of hook kicks or modified spin sides in during sparring, and they landed. :]
  • Master Gruder is an awesome teacher. I likes him. He and Master Fauss are so great. I hope they don't leave town before I become a blackbelt.
  • I was able to demo my forms and only mucked up once!

Other stuff
  • Someone loves me, and cares about me. She's very cuddleable and understanding. And she's going to go to the barndance in 2 weeks! I likes her. Plus, she's got her act together.
  • Someone lent me "Tao of Pooh". :]
  • Valentine's day Potluck at Church! good food. I was official food-tester, checking to see if things were warm enough or not.. I love my job!
  • I installed more X-10 automation stuff today! I even rewired a light switch.. home electricity and I are becoming friends. I can now control the basement lights via remote. *bounces*
  • My friend Steve (Windom) is having an artshow at Stomping Grounds next week starting Sunday.. and he's storing his artwork in my basement till then. I get to help somebody get to their goals! i love it. Btw, he's really good.
  • My paycheck came in! Just in time, too.. i think I, uh, overspent, the last paycheck. True that I bought only things that I used.. nevertheless, perhaps too many projects in one month. I think i got trigger happy from the refund. I'm glad to be employed. This is a good thing. And work is actually half enjoyable.
  • I am dearly loved by my cats .. I have a very nice home.. and a lot to offer a special someone, were I to ever go there. Oh,ya, not thinking about that. Move on!

Good 'nough I guess. Cheerio. I'm probably going to start reading LJ less (and posting less, if I can handle it).. just a feeling that I have. At least this week.

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Ache to be held...
Oh, it's terrible to want that feeling and not have it. Terrible terrible. But you'll be held again someday.. it's just missing it that hurts. :-)

*nods*, it usually only hurts when I get reminded of it.. seeing other people holding each other gets me. Otoh -- my cats want to be held _ALL_ the time. So, i guess i'm being rhinocritical if i don't hold 'n' love them at least a few times a day.

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