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Kinda down today.
Feeling... i dunno. There's my friends' party in CR, ... yet, i have no enthusiasm to go. 2.5 hrs drive keeps running through my head. Or, i could stay here in Ames.. there's an bingo game tonight that I could go to with some friends, or just stay at home... I don't really even want to stay awake for today... just go to sleep and wake up tomorrow or something.

or, take a nap, and then listen to PF: TheWall at full volume, playing bass guitar with it.

That movie i saw last night. There was a quote in it -- about, how, in a marriage/partnership ... one of the functions we perform is to bear witness to another person's life. That hit home, in a way.. i'm feeling the loneliness, the stillness of the soul. Nobody to witness my life.. which is partially why i post on LJ so much, to try to get my life noticed... or something like that. Others would call it "grasping for approval."

I have spent 15 years with my family; then 9 years independent; then 3 years in a relationship; and now 6 years independent. Many people go straight from family dependence to a short stint by themselves directly into partnership. Perhaps, they wish they'd had more independence?

I know the downness will pass. For today, i give myself permission to be down.

Gratitude list:
- I am well fed, and well watered (or coffee'd this morning. Grove breakfast, pancake, sausages).
- I have good financial flow.
- There are things yet to do to my place to nest some more. [going to get surround sound for upstairs, and move gig speakers+mixer+instruments downstairs]
- I have MULTIPLE options of what to do for NYE.
- There are lots of music things to look forward to for next year. Noumouas wants to sing + needs help; Tombo wants to do 2 songs and needs help; Connie has a song in mind; and Kelli + I are probably going to do some Rolling Stones stuff in May.
- I have so many skills, and that they DO get used in non-selfish ways.
- I have a nice body that I am learning to respect and enhance.
- I am well loved by many people. and cats.
- I am stable enough to be there for others.
- I have a comfortable bed, and cats to cuddle up with.

Okay, Universe. Lead on. Thanks.

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