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Hanging with the FAM
So, i'm here in Manassas VA.. with my brother's well-established extended family.. we've had a fun evening full of parties and games and kids from ages 3 to 14 running around screaming.. i've survived the grilling of "Sunny are you ready for a wife yet?" ... Nehroz and Akash(?) were just now playing NFL something or the other on the gamecube next to me, they just stopped.

It feels nice. Its way more stimulation than I'm used to, and I've retreated here to take shelter.

A long time ago, my family and I used to fight.. i felt my place was not around them, it was back in Iowa; they felt that I needed to get married, settle down, and be part of their lives here. Now.. there's no way that could have happened smoothly back then.. but now.. i'm so much more able to enjoy them as they are, now that I have a relatively established life of my own. And.. i find that I *do* want what they have.. but it would have to be on my terms. Is that possible?

I'm going to miss it when I'm gone. THere's something about having a huge crazy loving extended family that I do NOT experience in Iowa.

Another cute thing is.. my nephews call me "Chacha", which is the term given to the brother of your father. Well, the rest of the kids have started calling me that as well, although I'm not really their Chacha. It sounds a little wierd, but.. i guess that's my role.

Had a long talk with my Bhabi (sister-in-law) last night.. about .. the reasons behind marrying, what to expect, the differences, the joys.. it was nice. I felt a little not-safe, but I got through it okay. I dunno.. I'm just not able to say "yah I trust the process" and just let it happen. I personally currently have to have both eyes peeled wide open and look at what's going on. It frustrates me that I can't just give in. I actually got a little angry {which I didn't show} in that.. felt that the validity of my life as I've built it was being challenged. Like.. no matter how good my life is, it cannot compare to the joy of being a parent and being partnered in a large loving community. Which is probably true.. yet.. i have what I have. I don't have what they have. And.. maybe it will fit me for the first week, but will it fit me for years? I don't know the answer to that question.

Currently the Indian Disco is turned way up, and the lights are dimmed, and many people are dancing.. its so cute. And so normal.. the Indian culture is so very dancy- and singy-. I'll post some pictures when I get home. It is what I want for me.. i want this kind of crazy coziness in my life. I get a lot of it with my VH crowd, and for that I'm very grateful.


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