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Interesting read...

Its like, an ultra-compact work that references a LOT of other works, and tries to bring to gether a whole crapload of ideas into one spot.. i found it while doing a Google search on captain exercises chakra in an effort to find a set of exercises proposed by some guy called the Captain which helped balance the chakras.. (my body feels wierd right now, too much energy in some places, not enough in others).

But anyway, back to the ... ? can we call them books anymore? to the article. To the work. To the text. Its really neat! it fits well with my understanding of ego-self vs spirit-self, chakra work, addiction, stages of life, and all kinds of good stuff. It also has a nice summary of the various aspects of yoga (the thing that most people think is Yoga is only one of the aspects of Yoga). Man, its a tough road. I'm finding it happens naturally if we're true to ourselves.

I've read my way up to Unit 4 so far... it would be interesting to sit down and actually do the exercises. No way i'd do that alone... much more interesting when done as a group. Hmm.. idea hatched.

I do feel a little peeved.. that i have not been able to (yet) get engaged in the start-a-family thing that part of the work identifies as being the norm for ages 22-40. On the other hand, i'm aware that my internal ego/programming was so screwed that any family i started would have been fairly flawed and not a particularly great environment to bring kids into. I hope that as my fractured self gets removed from my being and my inner light/wholeness shines better, that I will be able to be involved in creating a family. It feels like time's about running out, though. *sad*

(Heh. I'd like to say that i'd settle for a girlfriend for starters, but ... no longer possible. I'm not 18 anymore; that kind of ... ? teenage outlook on such a relationship just doesn't fit anymore. Relationships have much deeper meanings for me now, as they would also for any potential mate whom I might interface with.)

One of the things that's happening right now for me is.. that identification with ego-self is starting to crack and crumble. I find that whenever i spend time meditating on "I AM THAT"-ness, i feel a lot more whole on the inside, and everything smoothes out better.

Hey, side note kinda related to this: Yesterday, i was at church, i didn't want to be in the room with everybody else, so I hung out in the Narthax/Foyer.. sipping my coffee.. it was a beautiful powerful experience... and then as it started to get boring, somebody who was in emotional pain found me, and we retreated to the library, and I got to hold her hand as she de-stressed. It was pretty cool, the part of me that loves and cares about people was very present. Thank you, Universe.

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If you think time is running out for you to start a family, try being a 27-year-old female with a ticking biological clock LOL. Actually, I've decided that I'm not going to push things in my life. I don't mind waiting a few years to remarry and have children. During the last few months I was with my ex, I had started wanting to have a child, although I knew that my marriage was not going to work out. I never want to be that selfish again and will not get married just so I'll feel better about having children in wedlock. I'm not saying I want to have children out of wedlock, but that I'm not going to rush into marriage for that reason (or an equally selfish reason).

Don't worry, dear, people are living longer and longer nowadays. You have plenty of time. ;) Nothing wrong with having a girlfriend, either. It's best to be in a relationship with someone for at least a year or two before you decide to make what's supposed to be a lifelong committment. Plenty of time.

I also had the opportunity to provide support to someone in emotional pain this week. I'm not a trained psychologist, but I feel that I was able to help just by being there and listening. Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them, to let them get it off their chest. :)

Yes... patience. I need to be patient..
I AM learning patience.
I am patient;
Whatever jitteriness I feel... *allow* and *love* and present it back to the universe for smoothing out.

my intention continues to strengthen and strengthen: my intention is to be a loving caring responsible patient mate. I trust that the Universe will provide the teacher ^H^H^H^H lesson when the student is ready-enough. {teacher implies non-equality. OTOH, the "relationship" itself could be the teacher, and both my mate and I be the students. Isn't that exactly what some philosophies say?}

... that thing about being selfish.. in a way, i'm being selfish about wanting to be in-relationship. I can SEE that. its.. related to fear? fear of being alone. feeling of waste, that my life is being wasted being single. or.. inefficient. I could love so much more in a relationship, where the channel to be loving like that is open. Question to myself: would I rather be in the wrong relationship NOW; or in the right relationship WHEN ITS RIGHT?

for me, the answer is twofold: the "baser" part of me says: I want to get laid, and willing to accept the strings attached, so bring it on NOW. If I screen that signal out.. in a long-term-view of life, and my journey in this world.. the When-Its-Right answer feels better.

Patience. Its not a quantity, its a state of being to be chosen.

So, the next question that comes up is: If it aint right yet, then What is Right for me right now? I've been told that there's always an answer to that question, i just need to let myself be aware of it.

*grins* ... Thanks Kristi. You help me so much.. thank you for being my counterpoint. I love you and I trust you.


I totally agree that dating takes on a new perspective once you're in your mid 20's, on. It becomes more along the lines of "Are we compatible in a long-term, mate-for-life sense?". That can still take a year or two to determine, once you get involved with someone.

I had actually been friends with J for close to a year, before we started dating. Admittedly, it was awfully soon after the end of my previous relationship, but things just "seemed right". We clicked very well, so I think we got lucky in the fact that we knew we were going to be together for the long haul. We're both committed enough to make things work no matter what, which is very rare nowadays.

Yeah, i noticed that you two seemed to click really quickly.. alarmingly quick, were my perceptions at the time. Honestly, Gina, i was worried about you.

I can see much more of the picture now, though. I am not worried any more. :} you two rock. Probably even more than i'm aware, because i'm mostly on the outskirts of your social neighborhood. *smiles*


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