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Yah de frickin Wahoo: Birthday
running
sunnywiz
Yay!  Happy Burt-Day to Me!    Today was my birthday, and keeping up my tradition, doing a birthday post.  [This post starts off negative, then moves towards the positive]

I honestly thought it was a fresh new idea, then I checked back, and I've done a birthday post every Oct 5th or 6th since 2006.  Hey, consistency.

I thought about letting it be the standard "hey what a good life I have" kind of post, but that would be posing a bit.  Right now, i feel all pissy and bitchy on the inside, and hey look, its coming out.

Here is what I feel like:
- I wasted my birthday.  Didn't do anything useful.   I could have.. could have... ___SOMETHING___.
- Anything I touch, sucks.
- My life has no meaning.  I might as well not exist.

The good news!  Is that I've been here before.  I now know, this is a bunch of crup in my head, which doesn't really reflect reality - its just my disease coming through.  (thinking about it - lots of folks will be seeing this on my friends list in facebook - you now might be finding out I'm in recovery.)   What this is a symptom of is:

- I'm not slowing down enough to feel what's really going on inside.
- I'm not taking time for God in my life.

Heh. Interesting - once again, i'm thinking about how these words will affect those who might be reading this.  People Pleasing.

Substitutions:
Unitics: I have been letting little self get in the way of connection with big Self.   
Recovery: Higher Power, and 10th and 11th steps.  
Bhuddist: spend time in meditation, the monkey-mind going amok. 
Atheist: self-service belief in neural pathways designed to bypass negative self-feeding circuits so that brain chemistry can be altered.   

Whatever.    For me, there is a connection with God that if I do not invest in, I ... get icky on the inside.  This is my personal reality, it doesn't matter what somebody else says - I have experienced these things for myself, and for me, it is self-evident.

 So, Reality: (or something closer to a reality that is more wholesome to contemplate):

Last year,

I said I would take my birthday off.  This year, I did.  I love myself, and I prove it to myself in action.
I continue to improve my fitness.   27 minutes for a 5k, I can now run 10 miles, and play two indoor soccer games back to back.
My work took a nosedive as a bunch of folks left, but now been replaced with a rowdy chaotic family of co-devs, and we GitThingsDone.
The house continues to improve - we use the snot out of the family room, my wife uses the Tivo more than me, and projects continue to go.
Feeling at home with 1.5 churches - closer to 1.2 now.  I've continued to be with the Praise Band and A/V teams at CUMC, but i've grown more disconnected with Unity of Middletown. I did help them with their fundraising campaign, doing some high quality video editing.

2 Years ago, I had mentioned several things: My health-  YES! I've definitely turned that around.

3 Years ago, wow I was quite shallow.  Talked about all the loot I got.   I miss my little red truck.

So, life is definitely Improving.   I'm committing to things with myself, and I'm fulfilling those commitments.

I continue to be of service:
- CUMC Praise band
- CUMC Soundboard
- SOHS Soccer - setting up to take over music and sound effects for next season
- Handyman - fixin' stuff at home
- Senior Software Engineer - helping move things towards done at work
- ShankaPotomus (Red team) - defensive soccer player and person-who-shows-up. Also recurring role helping out The Wounded Knees (Orange team)
- Oldham County Grand Slam of Running - spreading the Vibram love, "hey wow those are cool shoes you have.. do they work for you?"
- Mon (3x), Tues (2x) Wed (1x), Thu (1x), Fri (2x), Sat (1x) recovery meeting member - showing up to 2-3 meetings a week.  Lots to choose from, and I'm glad to be known at all those places.  
- Sponsoring 2-ish, maybe 3-ish, folks (always nebulous this one is)

So, my life has meaning.   Take that Monkey Brain.   Pbbbtttthh!

I accused myself above - that anything I touch, sucks.   I can offer no counterpoint to myself on this - there IS a definite feeling of "the house is too messy" (my desk is way too messy) - and I really need to address that clutter, but I haven't made time to do so. 

Did I waste my birthday?

- I stayed up the night before, playing Plants vs Zombies.  Got to somewhere in the middle of the fog levels.
- I went to Crestwood's Bikram HotSpot Yoga for a 9:15am, 90-minute, hot yoga session. wikipedia.  I did a lot better than 4 years ago.  I think I'll be visiting again, but not soon.
- Went home and showered, and 20 minute power-napped.  
- I met my wifeling at QDoba, visited the new 32 Degrees Frozen Yogurt Shop, and looked at Quest Outdoors at Osprey Raptor 14 Hydration Pack.  (One of my gifts was a gift card to Quest Outdoors)
- I went home, dialed in to a work meeting, and then took care of: Laundry, KittyLitter, KittyH2O, and then napped.
- We then went to the SOHS vs Manual game (at Manual) - where Quinn scored one of three goals (3-1), and we watched the varsity team come alive in the second half to bring a game from a loss up to a win (but then settled in a tie).
- And now I'm home, typing up this post.
- And I WILL be playing PVZ some more later.  :) 

So, .. I'm just going to call it:  I think this has been a GREAT birthday.  Take that, Monkey-Brain.  Pbbbttthhh!

Here's looking forward to my 39th year:

Sports & Fitness
- Running in support of a friend in the Harvest Outrun Hunger 5k
- Running the easy legs 8, 20, and 32 in the Bourbon Chase (Oct 22nd) (part of a work team)
- Doing some barefoot training November-January (they say you can run barefoot down to about 20 degrees).
- Louisville Triple Crown of Running (5k, 10k, 10 mile) in Feb-March 2011
- Derby Mini-Marathon in May
- If I can get it arranged, RAGBRAI in the beginning of July. (need to figure out logistics)
- Continued Indoor Soccer as long as they'll let me.

Professional Development
- Going for an MCPD certification (I got my MCTS earlier)
- Hopefully some more Agile work, if my company will allow it to happen. 
- Continue to accept that I am a leader in my team.   Its the white hair in my beard, y'know.

Household Life
- Deck, Siding, Windows.  
- Mini Cooper?  Mazda 3?  Mazda Protege?   I see a sporty cute little car in my future...  I'm setting aside cash towards that purchase.

Spiritual Life
- Continue to go to meetings. I forsee 2 a week for now, though it would be great if I could go up to 3 a week.  They are my sanity-check - to catch myself, before I slide down too far.  Without them (and through them, my connection with God), I am burnt toast.
- I want to, I need to, reinstitute my morning and bedtime journaling and meditation.  Man, if I only drank regular coffee, i could go to this perfect coffee shop every morning!...  *sigh*, not many places are on the way to work that have good decaf.  

Other things not making the plate for this year, probably:
- Community life - stuff like GAFFA, Fish Fries, Pancake Breakfasts, etc.  I love helping in those things.
- Recovery Service work.  Sorry, no DR, Treasurer, Representative, etc for me this year.
- Martial Arts. I miss my TKD and Kenpo.   Kenpo for effectiveness, TKD for pretty kicks.
- Movies & TV Shows in general.  I can fit a few specific ones in.
- Doggie care.   I would love to regularly run the dogs.
- Programming for Fun.   I got some ideas.
- Yoga.  Bikram, OR Hatha. Probably more Hatha.
- P90x.  I could look really hot.

As my sponsor said to me once:  Your life will get so full of good things, you'll have to let other good things go.     Don't have to let go of them forever, but just for now - know where my focus is.   Thanks Ray.

Thank you everybody.. for being my friends, my family, my community.   Thank you for listening to me babble.     Love you very much.  And I love me too.
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*hug* Happy Birthday! :) Thanks for sharing :)

Spiffles, are you on Facebook?

Yes I am! Erin Connors =)

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