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Garth!. its 12:24am, and I have to wake up at 6am to have breakfast with a friend.

I feel so.. tired.
Its been a FAST, very EMOTIONAL week.
Emotions are hard work. Even the good ones.

There are so many threads I could relate, but just don't have the energy. I'll just name them:
God-what-the-FUCK-do-you-want-me-to-do-I-feel-lost? (A: relax, calm down, breathe, be, meditate, enjoy, love);
family-uncommunicative-as-usual; (none of them read my journal that I know of, so I suppose i can say it here).

So, to counter these, i'd better throw out some good threads:
Kitten love precious;
Nice to be there for people;
God leads my life life is simple;
Have job covers bills;
Have good coffee in morning;
People to hold me when I cry.

So.. yeah. I'm down right now, so.. i guess i'll go get some sleep.

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Poor baby, borrowing trouble from the future when you've run out of other things to worry about. I do that too. The only way to stop the craziness is to ask myself, "Okay, I'll think about the rest of that stuff later. What do I need to be doing right now?" Sometimes it works. Other times it takes a snack, a nap, and maybe a walk around the block. Or to lock myself in the basement and pound on the drums a while. Do you need to borrow my drums?

*smile* .. thanks, no, i got a psuedo set. Not as much fun as the real thing, i'm sure, but also much easier to setup and move... or, didja mean I come over and bang on them at your place?

Yeah.. borrowing from the future. I'm faced with a BRAND NEW situation in my life, and i don't know if I'm doing it right, so I'm just doing it, and i'm SURE i'm doing it wrong, and I AM SO WORRIED that i'm hurting other people, and... well, poof goes the sunny. Then again, they haven't told me that they've been hurt yet. I don't know where any of this is going to go.

Focusing on the now...

I came back home to get some socks and change to long pants (its fricking COLD at the office), and my neighbors 2 doors down were having a garage sale.. so I go over there.. and this lady who lives down the street, probably 85 years old, lots of spunk, patted her lap and said, "wanna sit on Grandma's lap?" in a very, um, come here kitty kat way.

So, I guess that some women find me sexy and cute? *grins* We'd just gotten done with sexual harrassment training at work, too. :]

I'm feeling better now. Just had a BUNCH of emotion and a feeling of not-knowing-myself going on. I'm settling down.. back into knowing myself.. in this new situation. And when I know myself, it then no longer matters what the other people think. Its not supposed to matter before that either, but i'm not that good at it yet.

Thanks dearie. I needed that. You are an awesome friend.

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