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Deep Thoughts Questions.
shillouette
sunnywiz
Here's a deep thought question. It came to me this morning as I showered. I'll present it in the way it came to me.

Become aware of your body.

Its a mass of blurping glumping cells and tissue all miraculously held together by something called life.

It could end at any moment. Boom, cancer, comes in, undetected, you're dead in 2 months. (a friend's friend is facing that right now). Or.. in my case, i have a heart that skips beats, flutter and pop, i'm dead.

I could die tomorrow.

I'm strangely okay with that. (ever since I found out about my heart).

But.. there's things that feel left undone.

The Question: If you knew you were slated to die soon.. say, a week from now -- and you wanted to ask for an extension to your life to complete some things... what would you ask for extensions for? And for how long?



Here's what is NOT on my list:
- My job.
- My house. I figure, life insurance can cover whatever the market doesn't.
- My stereo system / projector / computer / laptop / anything I own.
- Musical gigs and other such productions in general.
- My service work stuff.

Here is my list:

- certain people, who are going through changes their lives.. i would like to see them settled before I moved on. 3 of them, would probably take 4-5 more years; one of them is getting old, probably 20 years or more left for her. I hope I can stick around that long. These are people for whom I am a primary part of their support structure. Granted, they may never stabilize.. that's not in my control. But i can certainly hope for the best for them.

- my cats. I want to make sure they have good homes before I go.

- I would really like to get up to a black belt in TKD. Something about a promise to myself -- to see myself as powerful, and capable, in my own body. To look in the mirror and admire myself with a trim, fit body. I want to accomplish this.

- If I die before i meet a partner, that's okay. No loss there. However, i would like the opportunity to raise a child in a loving kind harmonious home. And just to be selfish ... i'd like it to be a girl. And I'd like to stick around till she at least got to college or so, if that's okay. And if I can be blessed with two children.. that would be most wonderful.

- in the last stages of my life, i'd want to tell certain people: Thank You. For making my life so special. I totally cherish them, and the memories of what they shared with me. Some of these things are easier to say when you're checking out, y'know? Otherwise, they're kinda social akward. Especiallly when they are ex's.



That was pretty much it. Not a big list. :] My life is pretty good. I'm really glad I'm in good health right now. I would love to start every day with this question, it clears the cobwebs really quickly.



If you feel so moved, i'd love to hear your responses to this question.

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I'd ask for an extension so I could get this whole transition thing done and over with. Even if I only got to survive 1 hour being what i truly was born to be.. Then that would enable me to die happy.

That, and I'd like to have an extension to tromp around through N. Ireland and find the ruins of the old family estate, and the huge chunk my relatives that are supposedly over there. And maybe sneak off to the Czech Republic to find the other half of the family.


I hear ya. ((hugs)) hang in there!

btw, some friends of mine and I _might_ come to Chicago for Spamalot in January. The show is apparently mostly sold out, The Ekholms are trying to figure out tix and accomodations.

-S.

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