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20 questions ...
Filched from persephone_wynd

Note: i'm in a bummed mood right now. A friend just introduced me to his new GF...

1. Tell me something obvious about you.
I'm a goofy crazy guy of Indian heritage.

2. Tell me something about you that many don’t know.
When I was in 8th grade, I got beat by 2 3rd-graders half my size.

3. What is your biggest fear?

4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
Safe Route, unless I know the short cut well enough.

5. Name one thing you want that you can’t buy with money.

6. What is your most treasured possession?
Category of posession? Tivo.
Specific possession, that I could NOT replace with another just like it? ... a painting that somebody did for me when I was 13.

7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
I let myself think or feel that I'm alone, stupid, unworthy and unloved.

8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don’t know.
I've had to be surgically altered to be restored to what many people consider normally functional.

9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows.
Uh.. i'm a boy?

10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
Have to go with Perseph on this: "i'm fine"

11. Name something you’ve done once that you can’t wait to do again.

something i've only done once? ???
ah yes. Be a loving, kind, gentle, goofy, cute serious boyfriend.

12. Are you the jealous type?
Heck yeah.

13. What is the one person, place or thing you can’t say no to?
Honest hugs.

14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
Love me unconditionally, even when i'm not doing so good.

15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
Drive to colorado, be with some mountains.

16. When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday, at work. Needed to bleed off some emotion.

17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
When I was with my (now ex-) significant other, and life was being lived smoothly.

18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
Nope. Belly big. Belly Jiggle. Jiggly Belly Cute. Only play with Jiggly Belly in private. :]

19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk.
Hit on the professional dancer at Shagnasty's and actually think i was making a real friend. (27th birthday)

20. If you post this in your journal would you like me to answer it?
As you wish.

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"I let myself think or feel that I'm alone, stupid, unworthy and unloved."

I know that one well. :/ I've started seeing a counselor this week, so hopefully that will change.

I recently started seeing a counselor for the same thing, among other things... scary stuff :\

Yeah, the hardest part was admitting that yes, I do need help (even though I had known that for months). I have a lot of work to do and a long way to go before I'm emotionally healthy. I never really have been, but all these years I was able to suffer through it without any major meltdowns like I had the other day. That was when I knew that it was time to get help. After one session, I already felt a tremendous sense of relief and am definitely in better shape than I have been in a while.

I hope your counseling goes well for you.

I know THAT feeling well... Having to sit down and admit, not only to my friends, but to myself as well, that I have a "mental illness", per se, was (still is... guess I'm still admitting it to myself) the hardest thing. Being an engineer and admitting my main tool (brain) is broken is a difficult thing...

I understand what you're saying completely. I, too, always was able to handle it and just recently it got to be too much and I just emotionally imploded. I think I've had at least one random crying incident every day for the last 2 or 3 weeks, often over nothing at all. It terrified me. Fortunately I had just started seeing a therapist for some (related?) stuff and next thing I know I'm on anti-depressants and admitting I have a disorder... It's tough, but it's good to know others out there understand and are also feeling this way.

Do you mind if I friend you? I'm always looking to make new friends, now more than ever :)

I don't mind at all if you friend me. :) It's good to have someone else out there who takes you seriously with regards to these matters. My friends have been really supportive, but my family thinks it's not that big of a deal (even though I've had problems with depression since adolescence). I haven't even told them I'm seeing a counselor yet.

My counselor doesn't think my problem is the result of a chemical imbalance, but is caused by the negative thought patterns I've had about myself all my life (induced mainly by my father's belief that everything I do should be perfect and that I have no common sense).

I, too, went for counseling for one issue (work-related stress), but we ended up going into other topics. It's all related, after all, and now that I have a little bit more knowledge about why I do the things I do, it makes it a lot easier to understand.

I've had a few moments in my life when I was overcome with anger and did things I'm not proud of. It didn't happen very often, and mostly the only things that got damaged were inanimate objects, but they were still incidents in which I lost control. I had such an incident on Tuesday. Wednesday morning, I called in to work, then found myself a counselor.

Someone told me that depression is anger turned inward. It makes perfect sense.

Amen to that! If I had to hear my brother tell me to "just get over it and move on already" I was going to scream. Yeah, negative thoughts are evil, I catch myself doing that all of the time (from my own wacky belief that anything less than perfect is failure).

Good luck with your counseling as well, and keep me updated on any progress. Good news is good to hear. :)

I'm so glad you two have now met each other!

*hugs for both of you*


I want to go to Colorado and visit mountains, too. And then continue on to Washington. I've gone so far as to calculate gas costs for doing this, making it something slightly more than a passing random fancy. -ramble-

lol, Shagnasty's

Wanna go in December? December 15th-ish to be more exact. For me, only out to Colorado in the mountains; i might get a rental car there or fly somewhere or something. Will split gas costs with you out to Colorado?

Reminded of how much fun it is to have somebody to love... a little bit of wishfulness going on.

Slightly grumpy that, well, my friend has somebody else to put that attention towards. I'm VERY HAPPY for him.. and i'm happy for them..

its written somewhere that "all change involves grief... even good wholesome change"

I understand that very well right now.

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